The Real Reason Alec Baldwin Wasn’t On SNL Last Night Is LOL Funny As Hell

The liberal world is just yukking it up this morning over Bryan Cranston’s appearance on Saturday Night Live as Walter White. While all he really did was destroy the prospects of a decent show making any money from reruns now that real Americans will refuse to watch it, the real story of the night was why the new head stooge at SNL, Alec Baldwin, wasn’t there to do his usual horrible impression of Donald Trump.

An entertainment reporter caught up with Baldwin’s agent as he was leaving a midtown Manhattan doctor’s office early Sunday morning, and while he wasn’t able to get any proof of Baldwin’s whereabouts, he was able to confirm that the doctor, Leon Marvinelli, specializes in addiction and alcoholism treatment services. He has four privately-run penthouse facilities in New York City where celebrities who are “in need of respite,” otherwise known as fall-down drunks, go to get pampered while they sleep off their benders.

Baldwin, a notorious drunk, is most likely sitting in a leather chair sipping a non-alcoholic strawberry daiquiri watching football and eating spinach artichoke hummus on gluten-free crackers.

All attempts to locate Baldwin at his home, offices and favorite hangout spots have come up empty.

Update It has been confirmed by another resident of one of Dr. Marvinelli’s treatment spas that Baldwin is, in fact, recovering from a week-long alcohol and marijuana bender. He told the resident that his family obtained an order of good health from a local judge after concerns for his safety became too much to bear.

While we find it hilarious that this buffoon thinks he has any right to insult a fine upstanding future President of the United States, our thoughts and prayers are with his family and we hope he has a speedy recovery.

About Flagg Eagleton 594 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.