State Department Gets New Ransom Video For Bill And Hillary Clinton-And A Finger

A package was dropped on the doorstep of the State Department this morning containing another ransom video and what appears to be Bill Clinton’s ring finger. State Department Deputy Nadine Tolliver told Breitbart:

“We’ve got no idea where they are, but according to Chelsea Clinton, this is her father’s ring. We’re having the DNA tested against the evidence in the Monica Lewinski case.”

The White House has remained silent on the subject, continuing the tradition of not negotiating with terrorists.

The latest video, according to experts, was shot once again in the jungle of South America:

“We’ve identified the surrounding plant life and believe they are definitely in a jungled area of South America. If you’ve ever seen South America, that covers a lot of ground.”

Chelsea Clinton says several nonprofits are working diligently to put together the $500 million ransom demand. The couple is insured against kidnapping, but only for $10 million each.

It seems the terrorists may have over-estimated the value of their prize.

We’ll keep you updated. The terrorists have given the State Department until 9 PM tonight to pay up or “get ready for a double state funeral.” Trump has openly said that if Hillary Clinton were to die, there would be no state funeral. Bill would get one by default.

About Flagg Eagleton 584 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.