A lunatic on a mission made it past the lower-lobby security at Trump Tower this morning, manned mostly by United States Secret Service, and made his way from an office on the 4th floor all the way to the lower level of Donald Trump’s penthouse by climbing and crawling through interior mechanical walls and ductwork.
The man, a liberal Democrat named Vincent McMoyer-Green, who has extensive training with the Progressive Militia of Massachusetts and a bachelor’s degree in English literature, was carrying nothing but a set of blueprints and a pocket knife. He was discovered by Trump’s personal security detail after tripping a silent heat sensor alarm near the penthouse armory.
Trump’s head of security, Shawn DeBruce, said the man had no guns when he entered the building and was probably trying to gain access to the armory to pick up one of the hundreds of weapons Trump keeps on site in case of emergency. “Mr. Trump can be described as a ‘Doomsday Prepper,'” said DeBruce, “It’s that sense of real-world preparedness that makes most of us so loyal to his protection.”
In addition to an armory, Trump also keeps a bunker three stories beneath the tower’s lowest level with enough food, water and clean air equipment to ride a 20-year apocalypse for himself and most of his children. It’s accessed by private elevator but also has a nearly 700-foot ladder for emergencies, which is the second longest in the world.
The would-be assassin was handed over to the Secret Service who won’t report on the incident until they figure out exactly how this guy was able to get so far unnoticed. This story comes via the newsroom at The New York Post, who won’t be posting the details until they can be verified by police. The source is a very well-known Trump security guard whose information has led to several stories breaking before the mainstream media get their hands on it.
The libtard public, concerned that the Secret Service will spend way too much money turning Trump Tower into a secure location can rest easy. Trump and his own team — that he and he alone pays for — are on the job.