BREAKING: Senator Al Franken’s Daughters Hauled Into Court In Handcuffs By The DEA

Senator Al Franken’s daughters, Louise and Farrah, were brought into federal court this morning by the US Marshals after being arrested by the DEA at the Port of New York. They were arrested after taking possession of a cargo container full of heroin from Afghanistan.

The ship that dropped the container used an old trick of unloading using a different ship’s manifest, meaning they had to have paid someone off at Port Operations. Authorities say they receive more than 30 ships a day with stops in Afghanistan and that you never know how long a ship has been holding its illegal cargo to begin with.

What they do know is that the Franken girls won’t be seeing pops for Thanksgiving this year, as the trafficking in narcotics at that level with origins in a country ripe with terrorism will carry a stiff sentence, even for these elitists.

Senator Franken wasn’t available for comment but a spokesman leaked to LLOD correspondent Cynthia Luwhoe that the senator doesn’t plan to bail his daughters out of this one. Surely he knows such a thing would sink his political career.

The US attorney’s office says the women will face charges of trafficking a class A substance over 1 ton and conspiring with terrorists to infect the American public with addiction. We’ll keep you updated on this developing story.



About Flagg Eagleton 584 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.