President Trump has decided that he’s tired of politicians and career shysters. He’s not going to rely on crooks like Mooch or snowflakes like Spicer who fold under pressure. He’s going to let the most qualified person to do the job do just that.
That’s why while most people will be shocked when they learn that none other than Howard Stern will be doing what he does best: reaching an audience and delivering a message. President Trump, knowing that he’ll face backlash for the decision, released this statement on Facebook:
“I really don’t care who doesn’t like it. Stern will reach more Americans than any professional politician. Period. He’ll be in charge of hiring speechwriters and making sure our message is on point. There’s nobody better for the job.”
Stern couldn’t be reached for comment but his PR manager, Peter Limpshticken, says Stern is “f*cking pumped” to be able to serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States.
Liberals are currently having little nervous breakdowns and buying coloring books in record numbers.