FBI Releases Gruesome New Details About Senator Al Franken’s Vacation Home Raid

The FBI says the scene at the vacation home of Democrat Senator Al Franken in southeastern Montana this morning revealed some things even the most seasoned veteran would call disturbing. It seems that Franken had a collection of bones from various kinds of animals in a large wooden box next to an outdoor fire pit where ritual ceremonies were held. According to LLOD reporter Skip Tetheluda who is on the scene in Pittsburg:

“What they found were the remains of several species we believe they used in a pagan sacrifice. They included parts of cows, pigs, chickens, at least 2 turkeys, a lamb and what may have been a slab of white-tailed deer. What those poor animals must have gone through. The FBI says they estimate that the amount of meat on those bones would have fed a crowd of nearly 800 people.”

800 people? What is it, some kind of a festival? That’s exactly what it is, if you believe Demoncrat Al Franken, who released this statement:

Yes, you idiots, we had a festival. The permits were filed and approved. Over the course of a week we had almost 800 people stop in for some of our famous proteins. The ritualistic fire pit is also called a “barbeque pit” and every animal listed is available from the local butcher. White tail deer? It’s called “venison” you morons and a lot of people eat it.

You people are truly ridiculous.

A likely story. Franken did happen to host a festival of food on his property with a permit for up to 1000 people, but that’s most likely a cover for the rituals. They also recovered more than 11 empty gallon jugs of  Sweet Baby Ray’s, so even if their story was true they’re still frauds. And…bison? Who the hell eats buffalo? One way or the other, this is sick and Hillary is involved. You just know it.

That about wraps this one up. Stay safe, patriots. Go with God.



About Flagg Eagleton 594 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.