BREAKING: Trump Just Cost CNN $4.2 Billion With Nothing But These Two Simple Words

Donald Trump, after already having humiliated CNN and kicking them out of the White House Press Room come January 20th, went one step further this evening. In a statement released just minutes ago, Trump spokesperson Katrina Pierson said that Trump’s incoming press secretary has researched how many events and how much money CNN stands to lose if the federal government shuts them off altogether:

“The Office of Inter-Agency Media Planning, which handles contracts with media outfits for state dinners, planned social events and inter-office birthday parties will be instructed to cancel all of CNN’s contracts, totalling $4.2 billion over the next four years.”

When asked to comment, Trump had only two words for CNN:

“You’re Fired.”

CNN has repeatedly gotten under the skin of the President-elect by reporting on the things he says rather than the things he meant to say, never once doing their due diligence to find out what was truly in his heart. Their last report, that Donald Trump enjoys watching women pee out of vengeful hate for a black guy he couldn’t quite match up to, went above and beyond insulting and actually almost accused Trump of wrong-doing — but not quite.

CNN should have just kept their traps shut and covered other people if they knew what was good for them. By the time Trump is done he’ll have the American press whittled down to a fraction of itself so dedicated to pushing¬†Trump’s narrative that noted English political propagandist and famous teller of the truth Joe “Two Snaps and a Circle” Goebells would be proud.

America just got a little bit stronger. God bless you, Donald Trump.

*Update: Fox News’ Shep Smith has been fired and charged with treason for speaking out against Trump. Let that be a lesson to you, reporters. You’re not in charge anymore.


About Flagg Eagleton 594 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.