BREAKING: Obama Daughters BUSTED–Dad Has To Bail Them Out Of Jail At 3AM

The Obama daughters were in hot water Monday night after a party in Maui, Hawaii went terribly wrong. After sneaking away from the Secret Service to a party in Maui, the girls were picked up by local police and arrested…for vandalism!!!

Obama had to wake up at 3AM, which we all know from the Benghazi debacle he doesn’t like to do, to go down and bail his precious daughters out of jail. He was still visually upset with them this morning after they departed Marine One for a taxpayer-funded brunch with Beyonce:

There’s trouble in paradise for the so-called “scandal-free” first family.


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After the DA sent the formal charges to a judge, the case was thrown out because it appears the only thing the girls vandalized was the intelligence of people who read bullsh*t stories like this and leave racist comments on the Facebook page after proving they are constitutionally incapable of paying attention.

The girls, who have managed to be stellar examples of first daughters, did nothing wrong for eight years but have been repeatedly chastised by right-wing douchebags like you for being black.

Please do us all a favor and refrain from breathing. You’re wasting valuable oxygen that could be better used by far superior lifeforms like slugs, mosquitos and dung beetles.

About Flagg Eagleton 584 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.