Barry Soetoro of Nigeria tried to file to have his passport updated in Hawaii this afternoon and was promptly arrested for providing a false birth certificate as proof of his citizenship. The State Trooper who arrested Soetoro told reporters:
“It doesn’t matter what your job is. If you walk into an official state office in Hawaii brandishing a false document, you will be arrested and charged.”
When asked why the office thought the birth certificate was fake, the shift manager pointed out that the hospital on record didn’t exist until 1921 and that the font used to list his father as “African” was Helvetica, not Times New Roman, which is what the hospital used before it was built in 1952. The attending physician listed on the form didn’t finish medical school until 1985.
When asked why a state office that should have nothing to do with passports would have that kind of information available, they said they never used to until the current president increased regulation and red tape, making their jobs much more difficult. The alleged offender was given a pink slip to appear in court and released to the custody of the Secret Service, who said they knew all along that the birth certificate was a fake but didn’t want to say anything.
In other news, the people who read and share stories on conservative websites have been deemed dumber than soap and should remove themselves from the American political process as soon as possible.