BREAKING: Brawl At New York Club Over Trump Lands 2 Liberal Icons In Jail

Two liberal heroes came face-to-face with the pride of America last night at a nightclub in New York City…and lost. Pansy boys Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, out for a night of fast drugs and easy women after Ben’s divorce, started to trash talk President Trump on a night when a naval Destroyer was parked at the harbor.

Three sailors made short work of the pair of pseudo tough guys after they demanded to see their IDs to make sure their votes were valid and then took off their hats to see if they could find where you “insert the stupid.” After one swatted Matt Damon away, a punch was thrown and then one by Affleck. Now that it became a case of self-defense, the pair were in a pile on the floor thinking sweet nothings about how gay they are.

The best part was when the fight was over and the two were sitting there dazed and confused with snot bubbles coming out of their elitist noses, people started dumping appletinis on them and shouting “do you like apples? How about THOSE apples.” For the encore, the police showed up and took them away in handcuffs.

They were never booked, so they obviously bought their way out of it but this was one night that the lights went out in Beantown.



About Flagg Eagleton 584 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.